“Blindly Follow Nothing
Stay Open to Everything”
I have lived this phrase for a lot of my life and it has opened me up to and allowed for me to experience some magical things in my life. I always thought to myself “Who am I to think that I know everything?” I feel like this thought process in combination with a healthy skepticism has kept me open to the unlimited possibilities of the Universe, while also keeping me grounded to the 3D reality. You could also say that a healthy skepticism keeps you in your own power. For one, it preserves your sense of identity or your ego. I don’t think this is a bad thing. A healthy sense of identity is important. We are born as individuals and there is purpose in our individual perspective on this planet. It helps expansion and creativity. It is also not the whole truth. Another truth is that we are all one. This used to be a very abstract concept to me until I learned that time only exists in one dimension. If time is limited to only one perspective, then go back to the inception of our Universe or perhaps just the beginning of life. Go back to that first single celled organism. If time doesn’t exist, we are all still that single celled organism. Just a fractal of that same thing multiplying, evolving, changing and getting to know itself through every perspective newly gained. And here we are, all organisms of the same thing. We are connected energetically whether we like it or not through the fabric of the Universe. Again, I could be wrong. This is merely my perspective. You don’t have to believe it, but I would suggest at least being open to it. Just because we don’t understand something doesn’t mean it isn’t true.
When I met Teal Swan, I was a chameleon. I was a conglomerate of other people’s personality characteristics that I liked. A desperate co-dependent searching for validation and decisions from others about my own life. This came from never feeling good enough, a lesson I learned from mom. My grades were never ok enough. According to her, “I was better than that” I know that she meant the best for me in saying these things. Pushing me to excel and do better in school. The problem was that I felt I was trying my best and that those grades were a representation of who I was. And her rejection of them led to a deep core belief that “I am not good enough”. Which led me to extreme amounts of self-doubt and being incredibly adaptive. I would mimic other people and things. Eventually I worked up a patchwork personality of others and at least there was a freedom in choice of what I chose to take from other people. It was extreme self-rejection and it was all I could do to avoid myself. I was also a master of distraction, not only from myself and my own suppressed emotions but from others. I could distract anyone from getting to the core of me and discovering the little boy who wasn’t good enough. That is I could distract everyone until Teal. She saw right through all my bullshit and put a laser focus on the truth of who I was. For the next 5 years she struggled through my stubbornness that she could see right through me and my resistance to the fact that she was annoyingly right all the time. It was crazy. I was so shut off to my own emotions that I couldn’t clearly recognize them myself.
She was also the first person that I ran into where I thought “I agree with everything that she says”. Teal was incredible with me. Because of this little personality disorder of mine, I was so adaptive that I would take on someone else’s perspective as my own. I was in such denial of my own emotions that I would deny that my own emotions existed. Although, not all of myself would believe it. I was just a professional at fooling myself. And Teal would say. “That’s not what you feel, why are you saying that?” I suppose that’s why it’s hard to hide your feelings with an empath, because they can feel what's really going on with you despite what you say. This aspect of me was also what developed in me through the relationship with my parents. My mother was a pretty hard core narcissist and my father was a covert narcissist. Which meant that my emotions came second to theirs. Especially my Mom. I developed systems of placation. My young life was spent catering to what I thought she needed and what I thought she wanted, and this is how I stayed safe. I did it by rejecting my own needs and emotions and playing the game with mom. This is what I do to make her happy. You put a constant focus on the other person in order to stay safe.
So Teal would constantly ask me what I wanted, and was constantly refocusing me to make it about myself and what I wanted and needed honestly thought because in being in a relationship with her, I was doing hat I did with my Mom which was constantly seeking to make Teal happy. I was always astounded with Teal’s empathy towards me and how she would constantly ask me to assess what was best for me, even if the results where negative for her.
One of the first and most powerful lessons I learned from her was true empathy and being able to step out of the victim mentality. This realization came through her thoughts towards her abuser. She explained the atrocities that she had been put through and the suffering she had experienced because of this man. And all I could think about was violence towards him and experiencing rage towards someone who would do that. And when she told me that she didn’t wish to see harm comes towards him it blew my mind. She explained that he had probably suffered at the hands of his parents when he was a child and the amount of pain he had to have suffered in order to be the person he was. And that she didn’t wish more pain on him. I cried that moment both for her abuser, for Teal’s pain and for the level of empathy and beauty that Teal is. To this day she carries that level of empathy for everyone. In fact she can’t escape it. As an empath, she can’t just turn her abilities off. I can tell you personally, she is constantly feeling the state of pain in others.
When I first met Teal, she was 18 and I was 19. She had recently escaped her abuser and she was cutting once a week and having dissociative seizures every other day. I had never seen anything like it in my life before. I was in a state of shock seeing how much pain this beautiful person was in. I also quickly realized that she truly didn’t have anyone. Parents that had run out of options long ago, no relationship or solid friends. I remember deciding that I just wanted to be there for this person and love her no matter what. She was such a beautiful person, a person that was treating me like a real person and who saw such great potential in me and who constantly affirmed through actions and care that she had my greatest interest at heart. I also thought that I knew and had seen some beautiful things in life. I knew I had seen some beautiful things in life and despite the fucked up parts of this world, I wanted to be a positive presence, showing her that all of life wasn’t total shit. Showing her how she made me feel.… Loved.
I never knew what my life could have turned into. Even now sitting on a porch at twilight in Costa Rica, looking at a wall of green forest, I have travelled to dozens of countries and nearly 50 cities in just 4 years. Hosting workshops on essentially how to be OK. Skyping with great people like JP Sears, Elliot Hulse, Michael Brown and Eckart Tolle. Millions of people watching content from Teal, hundreds of thousands of subscribers to a YouTube channel and 22,000 people as members of an intimate group of people all sharing their pain in an emotional safe space on Facebook called Teal Tribe. I recently learned that it is one of the largest and most active groups on Facebook. It’s truly astounding to me what this movement has become and I am very excited for the places that it will go. In all of it we continue to grow as people, experience pain in our relationships with each other and new relationships. And it seems that Teal Tribe may just be a reflection of that pain within each other and within ourselves.
Teal has always been a very large personality. Passionate about Love, Life, Purpose, Vision, Pain. Her emotions often reflect this and even her career has reflected this. And things get really crazy when fame starts to come into play. Because in a way the sphere of influence Teal has begins to reflect this as well. I see Teal’s community as an aspect of society that is in pain that hasn’t been listened to, no-where is this better reflected than within Teal Tribe. What an incredible place. We developed Teal Tribe to be a safe place for people to share their emotions, find community and others that felt the same way. I believe that Teal Tribe itself was a representation of societies exiled self. All the emotions that it isn’t ok to feel were expressed there. People telling things to this group that they hadn’t told anyone in their life. Family abuse, suicidal thoughts, things they had done that they felt ashamed about. And it was exceptional the lack of judgment. The willingness of others to help these beautiful souls on the edge of breaking that had been left by everyone else in their lives is so inspiring. But if Teal Tribe is a reflection of society then it is also a reflection of everyone within it and Teal herself. And as most of you already know, there was a great rift in the tribe when the hate started to come.
I will tell you that it is a fascinating experience being hated by someone that you don’t even know. For me personally it was a total life crisis. If you remember, placating my mom, and therefore all my relationships, was how I felt safe. And you can’t really placate someone that you don’t know and that has already made a decision about who you are. I tried for a while to alleviate concerns and explain what had happened but in many cases everything I said was used against me, taken out of context and I was ultimately left with no choice but to accept that they didn’t know me, didn’t want to hear what I had to say because they had already made the decision about who I was. And this led to the decision that I just needed to move forward with the purpose and passion in my life and to move forward with who I knew I was, not other people’s perception of who I was. In all it was a great chance to use the completion process on myself and actually resolve these childhood issues. So in a sense the rift in Teal Tribe was also created by myself in order to heal these childhood wounds. I was forced to go within myself to find who I was and move forward with that decision. So if you are familiar with Teal Tribe and what happened I challenge you to ask yourself (if you haven’t already) why you’ve created this situation (the rift) and what it’s helped you to resolve.
There is one remarkable similarity you can find within the majority of people, wether they know us or not, that are producing the vast majority of this content of hate against Teal. It is an incredible lack of self reflection for how they’ve created or at least played a part in a situation. I have not seen an ounce of responsibility owned for their place in the painful situations they proclaim to have had with Teal. With Cameron Clark, we worked as a community for countless hours to help her heal her situation as well as solve her conflict with Teal. She came to volunteer for Teal in Teal’s home (with 5 other people) and expected Teal to not be human. When Teal expressed emotions (sadness or anger) Cameron felt totally let down and like Teal was a fraud. Not because Teal ever led anyone to believe she never gets mad or is in a state of peace 24-7, but because this is what Cameron herself expected of a Spiritual Teacher. Never the less, she never got it. She never understood. We’d get to a place of understanding then the next day it would be the same thing all over again… Her placing blame on us. She was living with Teal for a matter of days and went on a work trip as a volunteer to Santa Fe. After that, Teal could no longer live in her own house with a person who was antagonizing her every day and we couldn’t watch it happen anymore. So in order to remove her from the situation, a few members of the community agreed to moving out with Cameron into a separate apartment. She did not live with Teal longer than this. And then they decided that it was impossible to live with Cameron Clark. But when there is a lack of self-reflection with someone, they will continue to play out past traumas onto people around them. They will project those traumas onto the people around them and inflate every reason to be the victim of their situation. The final straw with Cameron came when as a group we discovered that she had been telling different members of the group different things and lying to manipulate everyone against each other. That’s when we had to put up our own boundaries and ask Cameron to leave.
After she left us it seems the full-fledged lies only got worse. Her interviews were full of them. It was incredible and difficult to understand. The only thing my mind can think of at the moment is similar to Shutter Island. Where the main character cannot accept the truth of their own reality so he sets up an elaborate system of lies in order prove to himself that he’s a good man. Another group that experienced the lies of Cameron Clark was called Guru Ethics. If some of you remember there was a group called Guru Ethics that was investigating Teal. They had released multiple articles against Teal. Debra Van Este created a group because she herself had been subject to a cult around the Chicago area when she was young. They quickly found Cameron and were working directly with her because Cameron had painted Teal as a dangerous Cult Leader, until something happened. They refused to air uncorroborated information that Cameron was wanting to spread about Teal and so low and behold, now Cameron Clark turned against them. This planted enough doubt in their mind about the things that Cameron had said about Teal that they contacted us. They told us that they had discovered that Cameron was a liar and an unreliable source. It must have been bad because she apparently even tried to sue Guru Ethics. Perhaps another issue adding to Cameron’s pain was her near romantic partnership with myself.
Another person that we had to put boundaries up with was Tori. She was a friend of ours back when we first met. She was sweet, demure and full of wonder. She was also in incredible amounts of pain. She was cutting a lot and seeking friendship through us. After Tori’s relationship with her boyfriend went south, Tori cut off everyone who was involved (including Teal) She turned her back on spirituality so she could heal. Simple as that. In any other life, it would end there. But Tori came back nearly two years later with a story about being raped by her boyfriend. She told Teal that she expected Teal to stop any business association him immediately. This included the expectation that she take down the Ask Teal Intro video, which was created for by him. Teal tried to help her out emotionally that day. 3 of us were at the table when she visited and present for this meeting. Tori explained to Teal that she had memories of being abused in a cult ritual. These memories came out of Tori’s mouth. Teal validated her that day in order to try to calm her anxiety about feeling crazy for those memories. After Tori left, Tori’s sense of reality fell apart. She eventually decided the memories she was having were false and blamed Teal for her validation. She went even further recently by saying that Teal literally implanted those memories in her. Our team had decided not to demolish our business relationship as well and so in a fit of looking for someone to blame, Tori decided Teal was horrible.
In the real world, when you feel like someone has wronged you, there isn’t much to do about it other than move on. But how fun it is to have a personal enemy that is famous that you think has done you wrong? People will actually listen to you when you start complaining about a famous person. Especially if you tell them that you were their friend or lover… Which is great, because in the end that’s what Tori really needed. It was support. And I’m glad she has it. But she has gotten it at the expense of Teal and all of us. After almost 2 years of no contact, we discovered that she was going behind our backs to all our friends and old acquaintances and even family members speaking to them against Teal. Because she couldn’t get to Teal she recently contacted me on Facebook to say that she was writing an article claiming that her boyfriend had raped her. She wanted to “give us the chance on which side we’d be on”, and wanted us to defame him. I don't want to say that they didn’t have pain in their relationship, because I truly believe that. She also blasted me on the phone call about authenticity, which is ironic because she said nothing about speaking to friends about her plans for releasing a hate campaign against Teal. Later Tori’s article came out about her incident. Furthermore she spent the next year or more in a relationship with this guy. And again we have a person that is unwilling to take responsibility for their own actions. Why couldn’t that have been a story of “I don’t have good boundaries, so I let this person walk all over me?” Why do we have to be the projection of the pain in that relationship that we weren’t even involved in?
Sarbdeep Swan. The king of not taking responsibility for his own actions. This is a dark deep rabbit hole my friends. I’m not going to go too deep here. I’ll just share a brief story. He loves to tell the story that he read an email between Teal and a past lover that had intimate remarks within it. And how this was the first time that he found out that Teal was not who she says she is and uses this for how she’s a vixen and whatever other foulness that comes from his mouth. The e-mail was a one-time e-mail where at the end, in response to his insecurity about himself (we were worried about retaliation from this guy because he had just submitted himself to a psych ward) Teal placated him when he reached out to contact her by complimenting the quality of sex she’d had with him when they were together. I agree, that yes this would be unsettling to read as a partner. But not once did he talk to Teal about this until their relationship was long over. 9 months over to be exact. Instead he used it to justify disconnection. To not get close and silently punish her for the rest of their relationship. He used this as proof that Teal was untrustable and now as proof that Teal is inauthentic. Where in the story does he forget to say that he never even gave Teal a chance. Where does he put in the articles that he was the most emotionally abusive person I’ve ever seen Teal in a relationship with in 14 years. How can you heal something in your relationship if you never talk about it. Instead he used Teal as a “fine fuck” (his words exactly by the way) and a boost for his own sense of importance for the rest of his time in the United States and never emotionally invested himself fully to our lives. That story quite well defines his brief time with us. Jesus, I challenge anyone to actually live with these people who have turned on us for even two weeks. You’ll be driven crazy with how justified they are in any action they take.
Teal’s reasons to get into the relationship with Sarb in the first place in my opinion where motivated by fear. Despite the “rich spiritual depth” Teal said she sensed in him, I feel that she craved a sense of safety and protection and that’s what Sarbdeep gave her. It’s the classic story of the star marrying the bodyguard. And he did that incredibly well. He kept her safe from everyone, everyone but himself. The emotional dynamic and distrust in the marriage got so bad because of their conflict over openness and authenticity (also his secret distrust of her fidelity) that he left Teal in March to return to London and I watched her suffer not only his absence, but also his silent treatment for 3 months, not telling her if he wanted to stay married or if he was ever coming back. At one point he said he wouldn’t come back unless Teal committed to leaving the community behind. I was there the day she asked him, “What are we doing, are we going to stay married, can you be committed to me or not?” I heard him respond, “No, I can’t.” And so, she collapsed and then she did the only thing she could do, which was to move on. And now, Sarb is making her the vixen for not staying committed to him even though he said to her directly and in a calm, rational tone, not an angry triggered tone, “No, I can’t be committed to you”.
And here is why you need to consider your sources when reading slander on the internet. Why are the people writing about what they are writing about? What childhood situation is this perpetuating in their own lives? Are they self reflective about this and do they take responsibility for their own actions? Are they a bitter ex-friend? Are they a bitter ex-husband? Do they even know the individual? Were they abused as kids at the hands of a cult? Are they open to the fact that they could be projecting their past situations onto others? Let me ask you, If I was to interview your ex or a past relationship that has ended, what picture would they paint of you?
And perhaps I’m going on a rant here but I feel this reflects a general issue that I have with society in general today. Too many people are ranting and complaining about the government or the systems that arenot conducive to humanity and too few people creating the new systems for what they want to see change. Gandhi- “Be the Change You Wish To See in The World”. Part of this is the realization that you are punishing people for the trauma that happened earlier in your own life. And all I can say for this is to use self-reflection and inner child work to find peace. But as for the change in the world, go out and make it yourself rather than blaming others for the things you dislike. In the words of Buckminster Fuller “You never change things by fighting the existing reality, to change something, build a new model that makes the old one obsolete”
Truth Tribe Exists Because of Sarbdeep Swan
The fact that Sarbdeep made Teal feel safe from the outside world that had harmed her so much was a positive aspect of their relationship. We were also having some troubles in Teal Tribe because people were starting to focus more on Teal’s past and personality rather than using it as a source for their own sharing about the concepts she presents. Sarb asked me to make him an admin of Teal Tribe so he could help moderate some of the hateful comments that were happening. I remember going into the tribe around 3-4 months after that. I was completely shocked to see that over 400 members had been blocked or banned by Sarbdeep personally. I think we had less than 10 before the point that I let him in. We got into a conflict about it. Sarbdeep’s attitude was one strike and you’re out. My argument was that it was 400 tribers that may or may not have had anything to do with actively spreading hate towards Teal. And I think this is where the real pain lies. Before I discussed the emotional space that Teal Tribe provided for a lot of people. And a lot of people shared very intimate beautiful and vulnerable things about themselves. And to be suddenly removed from a place like this for me would throw me into a huge state of conflict. I would be thinking “maybe Teal Tribe wasn’t what I thought it was, maybe Teal is rejecting me, maybe those friends weren’t the friends who I thought they were. Above all, this came from a space that is overseen by a spiritual teacher that has shared so many important messages for my life. Was I kicked out because all of what is said negatively about her is true? If that’s a lie, what else is a lie? Oh my fucking God.”
First of all I want to apologize to anyone who felt like this. I want to apologize to anyone who suffered a relationship rupture because they felt like they were divided between two sides. It’s often easy to think that the internet is just as I’ve heard someone quote a “the fake 4D reality”. But the friendships created here and the realizations because of shared information here is real. If someone’s life was saved because of another person or group online, that is real. And I understand the pain that this could have created.
But I also want to help you see the reality of this situation. Before Sarbdeep, Teal had many people, including myself in her life that were horrible with upholding Teal’s personal boundaries. He came in and helped with that… Probably too much. He even displayed aspects of wanting to keep her isolated. Including removing Teal from her friends and support group. And Teal Tribe suffered because of this.
I can also see how this would be a continual source of confusion for everyone. How can this person (Teal) be coming out with such helpful, transformation and revolutionary information and also be creating a cult at the same time? (First of all, Teal doesn’t have a cult. Just because we uphold boundaries relative to sharing lies on an INTERNET FORUM and kick people out for sharing it doesn’t make us a cult.) I feel like there are still a lot of people in Truth Tribe because of this and a continuing fascination with Teal despite thinking she is a bad person or a liar. That her information still resonates. That you want people to see your pain, with all these “followers” of Teal that are so happy with her information. All of their happiness invalidates your pain.
Now again, I’ll keep coming back to self-reflection. I don’t want to peg the whole creation and reason for truth tribe onto Sarbdeep Swan. But the reality is, after Teal was gracious enough to put Sarbdeep in the pubic eye and people accepted him, he used that same level of notoriety that she gave him to connect with Cameron Clark and those who Cameron Clark had poisoned against us and they banded together to form an active hate group that is almost unheard of in the spiritual field. Sarbdeep turned several of Teal’s own following against her when he decided to turn against her too and the funny part is, he even converted the people who he, himself had kicked out of Teal Tribe during the “cleansing” he did months earlier. Not to cause an Identity Crisis in the truth tribe or anything but the very man you trust for authenticity is the person that exiled you from teal tribe.
There is a lesson here and I hope we can all learn from it. Because even Teal created the situation with Sarbdeep Swan and in essence this rift in Teal Tribe is reflective within all of us. I feel like Truth Tribe represents in a way Teal’s exiled self. Let’s not forget that Teal Grew up being hated in a Mormon community that said the same things about her when she was 4 that Truth Tribe says about her at age 33.
For me, this situation resulted in me finally having to stand up for what I believe in rather than placating everyone around me. Earlier this week I made one of the biggest decisions of my life dealing with relationships and my own position within the company. It really came down again to stepping out of my obsession with making others happy to the detriment of myself. Which has created a renewed sense of empowerment within me and a renewed excitement for the future. It seems all these experiences in life, are all presented us to bring us back closer to ourselves.
Perhaps for many in the Truth Tribe the lesson was to stop blindly following a leader and begin to trust in your own intuition? Haha… What a cosmic joke that would be. Create a Fake Guru Leader so that Everyone Has to Start Thinking for Themselves! HAHAHAHAHAHA. It’s the great conspiracy behind teal tribe bannings. (Or is that what a cult leader would say?) #Teal’sVideoOnFalseProphetsAnyone?
Oh man, this world is way to goddamn confusing sometimes. It’s amazing how all of this is coming into alignment this week. We have been planning for the past month to release a video on a lot of the allegations made against Teal. Then last week a teal tribe member wrote an article in an unbiased manner “taking arguments from both sides” which was really not research at all. It was just him doing an article about other people’s opinions. And even today Tori released an article about her experience with Teal. I’ll be interested to see if there is any self-reflection in there. Otherwise I suppose I’ll be forced to read between the lines of what trauma she is projecting onto us.
If you’ve made it this far. Thank you for your presence with me through this article. And for being interested in my life and perspective. One last thought before I leave you in your thoughts today. Many of us have come to spirituality in order to help cope with a torn world that we grew up in and to find happiness in our own lives. This might be another point of pain in regards to our company and thinking Teal is a liar. When we first started Teal Eye, we had dreams of changing the world. Changing how corporations work making them more human and fighting for humanity with it’s existence. I want you all to know that it is still happening. We still have dreams of changing the Justice System in how we deal with Prisoners. We still intend to change addiction treatment and to also change psychology and how we deal with emotions in this society. Perhaps that’s why you are all still here. Because you believe as much in this change as we do. If you are in truth tribe and it helps you I think that’s great. A sense of community is important. But I would question as much why you are in there. Are you in there because of the resistance to Teal leading such an important mission or the bad things that happened to you being exiled from Teal Tribe? If so, I’d repeat Buckminster Fuller - you never change things by resisting the current reality, you change things by crating a system that makes the old one obsolete.
So go out there and create your vision for the future and take your pains from what you’ve experienced to get what you want rather than fighting against what you feel caused you pain. Are you in Truth Tribe because you are concerned with everyone invalidating your pain in believing in Teal and her mission? Is your pain truly because of us? Is it because you think we are lying or did we actually create this pain in you? All this “proof” from others about Teal’s lies… what are the sources and what is their pain? I know all these questions aren’t easy to ask but hopefully they give you some clarity. And are the people that you are getting this information from, are they asking these questions?
I’m not asking you to blindly follow what I say. Just to be open to everything